Trump Takes Aim At Chiclets Vendors

In order to level the playing field with ambulatory vendors on the bridge, Immigration and Customs Enforcement has restricted the consumption of chewing gum at the Paso del Norte Port of Entry.

“Nobody chews gum like I do,” the President tweeted. “But those chiclets vendors have been taking advantage of Americans crossing the bridge for too long. Sad. Very sad.”

Mr. Trump later said that he’d like to see more Americans selling gum and bottled water on the bridge, and promised to make selling trinkets on street corners an attractive career option for U.S. citizens in search of employment.


  1. Guess we could have the unemployed and those awaiting asylum decisions take these jobs on?

    1. The chicle ban is real, but I made the rest of it up. One of the Customs agents said the janitors must be tired of scraping gum off the floor.

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