We just returned from a trip that was primarily composed of long episodes of driving interrupted by brief encounters with food and it brought two things to light: 1) Ain’t nowhere close to El Paso, and 2) The previous administration, who ran on a platform of “Hope and Change” never addressed the most troublesome problems plaguing our nation that I hoped they would change. Specifically; urinal dividers that are only armpit high and single ply toilet paper.
The next time a stranger saunters up to the urinal beside me and tries to start a conversation while whizzing, I’m just gonna bang my head against the wall in front of me until he or I pass out. And at this point, since it doesn’t appear to be a priority of the new administration, in four years I’m writing in Mr. Whipple for president or, if he’s senile now, the Northern bear, but it’s not like being senile has ever prevented someone from holding office. Regardless, it needs to be somebody with their head up their butt, wait, I mean ON their butt, otherwise it could be any politician.
I’m ready to start organizing protests now. We can have a march where everyone has toilet paper stuck to their shoe and we’ll chant “What do we want?” “Charmin!” “Where do we want it?” “Everywhere!” or “Against our butts!” or “Between our cheeks!” I haven’t really thought it through yet, but I’m just in the developmental stage.
Anyway, I’m sure there are a lot of people behind me. Wait, that doesn’t sound right, but I’m sure I’ll have a lot of backers. Argh!
Well, if it ends up I have to run for office to remedy these problems myself, just remember, vote for Greg, I got your back. Wait, what?