Orale, Changos! I’ll Put a Worm In Your Ear

I got so wrapped up in Mary’s mowing skills that I forgot some really big news, but first, last night she sang “Orale Orale, Somos los changos,” so that was awesome. Eso es El Pasoan for “Hey Hey, We’re the Monkees” and now you’re gonna have that stuck in your head all day.

Last week I learned “New York, New York” was not written by George Washington while standing in a boat crossing the Williamsburg Bridge into Queens like in that famous painting. It was written last year by some guy in his 80’s. Or in the ’80’s by some guy last year. Or in the ’70’s by John Candy and Fred Flintstone for a Martin Short movie. I don’t remember now, but anyways, the point is, that song is not older than dirt! But it is probably one of the most tolerable of instant earworm songs, along with the chango song Mary sang.

Why do most earworm songs suck? Is it God’s penance for us average lost souls?

God (Looking down at Earth): “Oh…Greg, that was really crappy of you! Four hours of ‘Midnight at the Oasis’.”

Me (suddenly singing in my mind): “…Put your camel to bed. OH, DAMMIT!”

At least “New York, New York” makes you want to bust open doors and sing, in your best Ethel Merman, “START SPREADINNN’ THE NEWWWS!” but don’t, the family gets really pissed when you do that. Someday, though, when I’m retired and got nothin’ to lose, I’m soooo doing that at Walmart. I hate that place anyway so if they tell me I’m not allowed back, it’s no big loss. K-Mart on the other hand…

It is a very American song, though, so you can belt it out at your Fourth of July cookout. The chango song, too.

The other big news is: Did you know they have the Facebook ON THE COMPUTER!? I know, right!? It’s, like, bigger, and the words are bigger and pictures are bigger and the videos are already playing and it’s like full sensory overload and all of my posts that I thought were deleted because they don’t show up on my phone’s Facebook page are still there! ON THE COMPUTER!! But I don’t use a computer to peruse Facebook because I’m not taking a laptop into the restroom.

Really, who spends time on Facebook when they’re not on the toilet? I think the enhanced computer Facebook experience is Mark Zuckerberg’s way making us Toilet Telephone Troglodytes pay penance for not logging on to Facebook when we’re away from the throne. Well take THIS Mr. Facebook dude:

Me: *Puts fingers to temples, faces Silicon Valley and mentally transfers “Midnight at the oaaasis”

Mark Zuckerberg (suddenly singing out loud): “Put your camel to bed. DAMMIT!”

You gotta get up pretty early, or at least by, like, mid-afternoon to outsmart this bear, Mr. Social Networky stealing guy. Oh, and did you know it’s not called the interweb like the Gas Monkey guy calls it? Well I do. Now.

OK, my generation may be a bit technologically challenged but Baby Boomers, don’t stop believin’ and if a Millennial makes fun of you, tell them to just beat it, beat it, beat it and shake it off, shake it off, shake, shake and remember, all together now…

All you need is love.

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