Comet 41P/Tuttle-Giacobini-Kresak (astronomers really need to get more creative with their names or, you know what, never mind, I’ll do it). Comet Burt is making its closest pass by Earth since it was discovered in 1907 and it’s all because Burt was caught in the gravitational field of my rosemary bush that had grown into a mid-sized planet named Rosemary. Rosemary even had its own moon orbiting over it named Hummingbird that looked, ironically, just like a hummingbird.
I trimmed Rosemary back so Burt should be hurtling back out to space in no time, but I anticipate eating a lot of rosemary chicken, rosemary potatoes, rosemary pie, etc. for the foreseeable forever. So folks, send me your address if you would like me to send you some rosemary. I probably won’t but it’s the thought that counts.
While I’m on the subject of spacey things whose name begins with B, Beto O’Rourke announced his bid for Ted Cruz’s Senate seat. I don’t actually know if Beto’s spacey but he is so tall that he may have to duck to avoid Burt.
I was a fan of Cruz because he once spoke the most sensical words ever uttered by a politician in chamber; he read Green Eggs and Ham. A long, long time ago, on a Senate floor far, far away. But I’m going to support Beto because he was in the punk band Foss and, in my Big Head In The Clouds (I’m spacey, too), I think every punk band from El Paso was somehow influenced by Rhythm Pigs, which immediately qualifies Beto as presidential material. And he wants term limits. So Beto, give me a call if you would like me to help with your campaign. I might even start another punk band named O’ROOOARRR(k)! to campaign for you. I probably won’t but it’s the thought that counts.
While I’m on the subject of punk rockers whose name starts with B, my old friend, Bruce Wingate from Adrenaline OD, posted a word search on Facebook that said the first three words you see describe yourself. I found BUTT and HEAD and an exclamation point. It could be wrong but the subliminal thought process that leads your eyes to words intrigues me.
I read my column from last week and immediately saw “Angels exist” but it actually read “Angels exit” and I wondered if Someone was telling me something. I’ve definitely had the feeling that someone saved mine and my buddies’ backsides more than once. On the other hand, I may just be lucky. So Beto, give me a call if you would like me to do some crazy campaign stunt, like catapult over the border fence. I probably won’t but it’s the thought that counts.