Embrace the Chaos

Last week I referenced bats in my head and since what follows struck a nerve with many when I posted it on my Facebook page in 2015, I thought it might clarify what that meant.

I had stopped posting for a while because I was going through a period of what Abe Lincoln and I like to call “Melancholy.” I’ve dealt with it my whole life and the episodes are few and far between now, but I never know when it’ll strike.

What those who have never suffered from it may find hard to grasp is, it’s not sadness, it’s chaos. And that chaos creates an inability to feel joy. There are so many things flying through my head every second, not depressing things, just…things, that it is overwhelming.

To give you an idea, in 2014 I wrote and recorded a new song every day for 365 days and posted it on Facebook and Youtube. I usually spent 3 or less minutes coming up with it because it was usually the 500th idea for a song to fly through my head that day, along with all of the other stuff that we all deal with each day. And it was easy.

The chaos comes when there are another 5000 bats flying inside my attic. But I don’t mind. I’ve learned to love my bats. My family is my refuge and when the bats leave, and they always do, amazing things happen.

So if you ever face melancholy and the infinite sadness, realize it’s not infinite. You’re here for a reason, maybe to rescue an animal who will be your refuge, and you, its. But throughout the chaos in my head, one of which is the concept of God, each night, the last thing I do is ask that all be blessed with peace of mind.

And fewer bats.

2 comments

  1. You have such a beautiful way with words. As I read your words I choked up with tears; I know that melancholy.

    Thank you for sharing.

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